The Big O: Condom sexercises

Have you ever considered what kind of relationship you have with condoms? It's one of the most important sexual relationships you'll encounter in your lifetime -- but most of us aren't taught how to build a good working relationship with condoms.

How we think and feel about condoms no doubt influences our decision to use one -- or not. But you can change your attitude with some simple sexercises to help you nurture and explore your relationship with condoms -- and build a new level of comfort (and heat).

Spend time alone together

Get started by masturbating with a condom on, and see what issues come up for you during the process. When you are finished, try to journal or create a list of issues, thoughts or feelings that make condoms a turnoff and a turn-on for you. Knowing what you are working with (or against) helps you do something about it. Focus on the journey with the condom: What goes on with you as you slide it down? How does it feel? What do you like, dislike? Any surprises? What's your favorite part of putting one on? You get the picture.

Thinking of you...

Include some images of condoms in your sexual fantasies -- not every time, but periodically choose a fantasy that includes condoms. If you watch porn (particularly barebacking porn), make a point to include at least some condom action. Pay attention to what thoughts or feelings come up when the condom appears in the video. Explore different ways to perceive condoms in a way that maintains your sexual and erotic energy. Just having a condom in your fantasy will bring it into enhanced consciousness.

Check yourself out in a mirror. Knowing how your penis looks in a condom, and getting used to seeing your penis with a condom on, is important. What issues come up for you while looking in the mirror? What do you like and dislike about how it looks? Do feelings or thoughts come up for you about your penis? Take a picture and hang it up in your room. Try wearing one around for an hour. Since many guys find condoms "ruin the moment," why not move the moment and put it on before the moment of penetration? You can leave it on, get soft and then get hard again. Again, you can journal about this for extra credit.

Try putting a condom over your penis and balls or make a cock ring out of one (not too tight!). If you have a willing partner, try putting a condom on two penises. This can reinforce the "stretchability factor" and also serve to reinforce the reality that condoms are stretchable and durable -- and can increase your sense of protection and safety.

Try putting on a condom while blindfolded. Wearing the blindfold will increase the intimacy and connection between your sexual psyche and the process of putting on a condom. Because your sight is not being used, you have to pay attention to other dimensions of the experience, such as the technical procedure or the journey of tactile sensations. This is an advanced way to increase sexual intimacy with the process of putting on a condom. This can also be explored with a partner by putting a condom on him blindfolded and vice versa. You can also put one on a dildo, butt plug or whatever else.

This probably isn't for everyone: Write a letter to a condom, or to condoms in general. "Dear condoms ..." You'd be surprised what you may discover by writing this type of letter. For those of you studs in psychotherapy, this might be interesting to share with your therapist. If you have a willing partner, have your partner write one as well and share your letters with each other. Part two of this is writing a letter from a condom back to you in response to your letter? Have your partner be the condom and have him write a letter back to you.

When it comes down to it, a man's relationship with condoms is similar to any relationship. You often have to nurture and give to the relationship to make it work.

The Big O: Condom sexercises

Dr. Omar Minwalla