Online Gay Club Health and Sexuality
It Ain't Easy Being Green
By Josh Aterovis
It ain't easy being green. The plaintive lament of Kermit the Frog became this year's theme at the annual meeting of Blind Friends of Lesbian, Gay, Transgender and Bisexual People, BFLAG for short. The message was one of self-acceptance, but the group is also fighting for another kind of acceptance: inclusion in the gay community. Many people with disabilities feel isolated from society, but gay people with disabilities often face further challenges.
"The LGBT community is not really inclusive when it comes to the disabled," says Ken, a 41-year-old blind gay man. "While that's not a problem exclusive to the gay community, it is made worse with their fixation on beauty and perfection. A disability, no matter what it is, makes you imperfect."
BFLAG started out as an informal support group for people who are gay and blind. They first met in 1996 at the national convention of the American Council of the Blind (ACB). It was the first of several annual meetings, with attendance continuing to grow year by year. The group became an official affiliate of the ACB in 2000. They've grown from a handful of attendees to about 150 active members.
Today, BFLAG states on their website that their purpose is to provide for the betterment of the lives of those who are visually impaired and who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Specifically, they're working to help blind gay people integrate into society.
"LGBT disabled individuals have the same problems as straight disabled individuals," reports BFLAG president Butch Arnold. "Sometimes we're totally accepted but, more often than not, we're assumed to be different and are not accepted on an even playing field. With the closet factor added to the mix, disabled people, especially those who are visually impaired or blind, have major problems fitting in or simply being accepted by other LGBT individuals. This makes socializing difficult under many normal LGBT circumstances."
Jason Perry, vice president of BFLAG and a law student at Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio, agrees that handicapped people are often excluded from gay culture. "There's a fear, number one, of just 'Goodness, what do we do?'" Perry explained. "The task looks so monumental. The second issue is just logistical. A lot of gay bars aren't handicapped accessible."
The first step, everyone agrees, is education. "Once a visually impaired or blind individual gets to be known, most barriers tend to disappear," Arnold asserted. "Educating the general public helps immensely with the acceptance of all disabled people."
Perry advocates integration. "I'm a firm believer in getting blind gay people out in the community, in both the gay and straight community, because if you put a human face on what the problems are, you help connect the discussion. The issue becomes tangible now. It's something people can relate to."
"Disabled individuals don't bite and our disabilities are not contagious," stressed Arnold. "People need to get to know us. As a visually impaired individual, I'm often perceived to be a snob when I don't see someone wave or make eye contact with me. If I don't know a person is attempting to communicate with me, I can't respond. I have lost several potential friends because of this. We all must learn to communicate better and simply do more communicating."
Perry reiterated the importance of eye contact and body language, especially in American gay culture. He reported that he found it easier to meet people in other countries because it seemed they valued conversation over the complex system of eye contact and flirting used in the US.
"Everyone must realize that visually impaired and blind people simply can't communicate with body language and such," Arnold pointed out. "We still say and feel the same things, but many of us simply can't communicate in a visual manner."
Another unique challenge is transportation. "Mobility seems to be of paramount importance," Perry said. "My friends like to go places and I don't drive, of course."
Then there's the common stereotype that, as Ken put it, "disabled people are not thought to be sexual." Perry added, "Whenever I hang out at a gay bar, particularly if I've never been there before and people don't know me, a lot of times people look at me as a casual friend, but not much else."
The first step, everyone agrees, is education. "Once a visually impaired or blind individual gets to be known, most barriers tend to disappear," Arnold asserted. "Educating the general public helps immensely with the acceptance of all disabled people."
Perry advocates integration. "I'm a firm believer in getting blind gay people out in the community, in both the gay and straight community, because if you put a human face on what the problems are, you help connect the discussion. The issue becomes tangible now. It's something people can relate to."
"Disabled individuals don't bite and our disabilities are not contagious," stressed Arnold. "People need to get to know us. As a visually impaired individual, I'm often perceived to be a snob when I don't see someone wave or make eye contact with me. If I don't know a person is attempting to communicate with me, I can't respond. I have lost several potential friends because of this. We all must learn to communicate better and simply do more communicating."
Perry reiterated the importance of eye contact and body language, especially in American gay culture. He reported that he found it easier to meet people in other countries because it seemed they valued conversation over the complex system of eye contact and flirting used in the US.
"Everyone must realize that visually impaired and blind people simply can't communicate with body language and such," Arnold pointed out. "We still say and feel the same things, but many of us simply can't communicate in a visual manner."
Another unique challenge is transportation. "Mobility seems to be of paramount importance," Perry said. "My friends like to go places and I don't drive, of course."
Then there's the common stereotype that, as Ken put it, "disabled people are not thought to be sexual." Perry added, "Whenever I hang out at a gay bar, particularly if I've never been there before and people don't know me, a lot of times people look at me as a casual friend, but not much else."
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